Steal This Character
by Yay Darkness
Summary: This fanfiction is a fun exploration of clichés and tropes that centers around OCs and the excitement of managing a huge number of characters at all times. Watch me politely struggle to maintain the T-rating while trying to be funny!
1. Chapter 1: Headcanons & Footlasers

**This chapter's timeline is mostly retconned. The rest of the story will be pretty different.**

In the beginning, there was stuff, but not as much as there is now, and three beings hovered over the stuff. The smartest was anthropomorphic. The strongest was a giant hedgehog. The most delicious was a flying spaghetti monster. None of them could clearly remember how they got there, but assumed they were gods and one of them had made the stuff. The man god claimed he spoke it into existence, but his voice was too tired to prove it. The hedgehog god claimed he built the stuff out of flatulence, but he was all out of gas. Finally, the pasta god claimed to have gotten heavily intoxicated and made all the stuff, but was sobering up.

To decide who was really the creator god, the three decided on a life-creating competition. The man god made man in his image, because the man god is not very creative. The hedgehog god made feral hedgehogs in his image, and also every other manner of animal, but varied as they were, they were also dumb. The pasta god attempted to make men or animals, but the life forms he made were so dumb they just stood there, growing and swaying sometimes; he tried and tried, and just ended up making plants, especially the delicious ones. The man god claimed he was the winner of the competition, but the others did not agree, as he just made one thing that looked like him, which was dumb in and of itself.

They parted ways for ages, each claiming to have created all the stuff, and that their life forms were the best. After a long time of godding over boring plants, the pasta god swallowed his pride and asked the man god to collaborate in making new life. The man god agreed, for even though the pasta god would never admit defeat, he always made delicious things, and the man god was sure anything they both had a hand (or noodly appendage) in creating would be intelligent as well as delicious. So they combined their efforts, and they created the Zeti. But before they could sample Zeti meat, the pasta god, who had been left in charge of them, lost them somehow.

The hedgehog god, curious, also asked the man god to collaborate. Their joint creation was the flickies: intelligent from the man god and equipped with transdimensional power from the hedgehog god. Since working together seemed to be working out so well, the three, the man god and the hedgehog god and the pasta god, joined forces to create the sixth race, after men and animals and plants and Zeti and flickies: anthropomorphic from the man god, zoomorphic from the hedgehog god, and noodlemorphic from the pasta god. These creatures were declared the best of all by the hedgehog god and the pasta god, but the man god, proud of his individual accomplishments, refused to admit their superiority.

The gods placed the different species of noodle person animals on different islands to keep their bloodlines unique, while humans were allowed to multiply on larger continents, plants and animals were fruitful everywhere, and they seriously just completely lost the Zeti. The monotremes of the noodle person animals were the most ambitious, using their own powers and the powers of what they could find to seek dominion over the world. The humans did similarly, but they were less powerful because their creator was only the man god, and not also the stronger hedgehog god.

The flickies' powers and the conflicts of men and noods, as well as the mysterious force of Gaia (who the man god and hedgehog god and pasta god eventually acknowledged was possibly the actual creator god), the occasional alien visitors, the deal with whatever rings are, nature itself just occasionally manifesting platforming zones, not to mention special stages—none of these compared to the chaos of the Chaos Emeralds, the origin of which none of the gods were quite sure. They would be used so recklessly that the gods knew something had to be done. The man god studied the emeralds and chaos carefully, finally collaborating with the hedgehog god and pasta god to create the Master Emerald, the controller that would unify the chaos.

Three rival platypus clans invoked the gods for hope of saving the world from the rampaging echidna clans. The clans were the Xover, the Auooc, and the Fourthwall. Their cosmic powers and peaceful intentions were such that the gods were deeply intrigued, and became competitive with one another to see who could give their favorite clan the most power. The man god gave the Xover the power to join worlds. The hedgehog god gave the Auooc special power over the forces of this world. The pasta god gave the Fourthwall the power to summon from beyond this world.

The three noodle persons of the race of platypus who wielded these gifts most effectively were among the last few platypuses, fought into the last few corners of ancient South Island. The most prominent of these clans were the Nocturnus and the Knuckles. Long ago, the monotremes of South Island broke out into a conflict that divided echidna against platypus, and then brother against brother. For reasons even the gods didn't understand, the platypuses could not use their cosmic powers against the echidnas.

The three rival platypus clans joined forces as their numbers were dwindling into extinction. Their leaders were edo7ensei of the Xover Clan, Yay of the Auooc Clan, and NinjaBotWizardX of the Fourthwall Clan. While the Nocturnus had technomancers and the Knuckles had soothsayers, the platypus leaders intended to combine their powers for an attack that would annihilate the echidnas' belligerent influence while not harming them directly.

To achieve this, four chao were taken from the altar of the Master Emerald. They were placed in the first chao garden and each was specially conditioned. edo7ensei cared for a chao that was named Olar, who was the strongest of all chao. Yay cared for Lari, the toughest chao. NinjaBotWizardX cared for Sola, the most intelligent chao. The fourth chao, Aris, was left alone, occasionally beaten or starved, for it was to become the most evil of all chao.

The chao interbred and begot six eggs, which were subsequently manipulated using platypus magic. Fortune tellers of the Auooc Clan named the eggs based on what the world would need their names to be. Sola and Aris begot Mephiles. Olar and Lari begot Iblis. Sola and Lari begot an egg that was left nameless. Olar and Lari begot the Time Eater. Sola and Olar begot Illumina, who was destined to fission into Void and Lumina Flowlight. Finally, Aris and Lari begot Argus.

Mephiles and Iblis were sent into the future by the Auooc Clan, as they were destined to become Solaris. The nameless egg was sent into the beyond by the Fourthwall Clan. The Time Eater was sent into the space between time by the Xover Clan; its empty egg shell flew into the sky to become Little Planet. Illumina's egg was charged with dreams borrowed from a being from another world summoned by edo7ensei, whose home was Dream Land and whose power was absorption. Illumina's egg became the Precioustone, and her advent combined with its power to form Maginaryworld.

edo7ensei and NinjaBotWizardX pooled their powers to summon a beast so unspeakable and powerful, its influence was nearly impossible to control. The ancient one drawn from his chains beneath the sea beneath a distant world imparted a small fragment of its insane power to Argus. Yay used the combined power of the seven chaos emeralds, borrowed without harming any of the native chao and thus not enraging Chaos, with the Precioustone to create a world within their world that was yet far away.

When Argus hatched, the maelstrom of powers threatened to tear the world asunder. The three platypus leaders combined their powers one last time to re-imprison Argus in his egg, which had since entered the new world to become the Twilight Cage, but the platypus race was transported as well. Within the Twilight Cage, the Time Eater tore into the universe from the between-space and fought Argus out of mindless, insane rage. The Time Eater was stronger, but Argus was indestructible. Argus was ultimately victorious—but at a cost. The Twilight Cage was fractured from the spacetime continuum of the rest of the universe, and they were sent an unimaginable distance backwards in time. The Time Eater drifted in the vacuum of space, regaining strength to once again strike out against existence.

While space and time were being compromised, the being from the unnamed egg who had been sent away by the Fourthwall Clan returned to usher the four great chao to safety at his side in the beyond. He took them to a magnificent garden crafted from his egg. He also beckoned the gods, the man god and the hedgehog god and the noodle god, who were terrified by the eldritch monsters and followed the one from beyond. He tricked them, however: he led the three back in time to the beginning, whence they lost their memories and set about competing to create life all over again.

The playpus clans became the Precursors of the Twilight Cage. Though their great leaders were gone, they were able to form a society unimpeded by rivals. Soon, Argus began to steal powerful civilizations from their indigenous planets, seemingly driven by the same irrational wickedness as the Time Eater. The Precursors saw that Argus would eventually abduct the Nocturnus Clan when the time came, and understood why their former leaders created the monster. Thus, they created a series of tablets to help those pure of heart should they find themselves trapped in the abhorrent cosmic prison.

On ancient South Island, the disappearance of the platypus clans on the night of a terrible magic-induced storm started a rumor that the Altar of the Emeralds had allowed them transcend their mortal bonds and become gods. This rumor, combined with the Nocturnus' invention of the Gizoid, lead Pachacamac to doom the Knuckles Clan by fighting in vain against Chaos. The destruction of their last rival led the Nocturnus to expand their influence greatly, which attracted the wrath of Argus. Their sprawling civilization disappeared overnight, their story all but erased from history.

Nearly four millennia later, a brilliant scientist genetically engineered the ultimate lifeform with the help of the Black Arms. The being was named Shadow the Hedgehog. Shadow and the scientist, Gerald Robotnik, were incarcerated. Gerald was executed and Shadow was imprisoned. Thirty-two years later, Sonic the Hedgehog was born on Christmas Island. Sixteen years later, Sonic the Hedgehog would begin a campaign of adventure to save the world from Gerald's grandson, Ivo Robotnik, a.k.a. Eggman. Over the course of their engagements, Eggman eventually released Shadow the Hedgehog after fifty years of suspension.

Nearly two hundred years later, Silver the Hedgehog was born. His birth is certain regardless of other eventualities, whether Mephiles reigns terror over the world, Eggman or his descendent Eggman Nega compromises the time stream, or everything works out. This is because his father was immortal, the embodiment of genetic perfection: Shadow the Hedgehog. (A/N: Ignore the fact that Takashi Iizuka says that isn't true.) Throughout his crusade to protect the future from the errors of the past, multiple versions of Silver existed. One such version chose to travel backwards in time around 220 years to Christmas Island, this time without the intention of returning. Here he fell in love with a hedgehog woman, and together they conceived the future hero of the world, Sonic the Hedgehog. (A/N: Headcanon or footlaser? Discuss.)

Silver was attacked by the barely-extant remnants of the echidna race, who had the intention of killing him and his family to prevent the Knuckles Clan's ancient prophecy involving a powerful hedgehog they interpreted to mean the end of their race. Silver fought them off, destroying them, but sustained massive injury. It seemed the prophecy announcing their demise was independent from the one about Sonic. Having a detailed knowledge of time travel, Silver resolved that the only way to stay alive was using the Time Stones of Little Planet. After his wife promised to keep his identity a secret, he left her and Sonic forever.

Knuckles the Echidna was hatched from an egg that was laid by members of the echidna remnants Silver was forced to destroy. Over time, the dwindling Knuckles Clan had been forced to join forces with the very few Nocturnus echidnas left. They developed a system of preparing their monotreme eggs and treating them to be most suited, being able to fend for him/herself from infancy and having unique toughness and strength. These Knuckles Clan eggs could be kept within Nocturnus incubators for years before they needed to be hatched. However, as the echidnas were all destroyed, the incubators were abandoned, lost, and Knuckles became the final echidna—on Earth, at least.

The beyond is the name given to the place that cannot be spoken of, for it transcends the consciousness of the beings of this world. It is said to be the residence of the creators and their species. There are other worlds, some within the same universe or parallel dimensions, many others in totally separate alternate realities, and most others in worlds far removed from anything known in this world, though not as far removed as the beyond. In many of these alternate realities, very similar events take place in a similar timeline. However, these timelines are separate from that of this world, independent of the divergent timelines that constitute possible futures within one reality.

In another reality, nearly the exact same converging eventualities form a slightly different reality. In this dimension, Big the Cat was exiled from the Sol Dimension because he was incompetent in his princely duties; he was the eldest between himself and his sister, Blaze the Cat, but when the crown was to pass to him, it became clear he was more interested in fishing than leading a principality. Thus, he was sent away, stumbling somehow into the Mystic Ruins of South Island.

He was not alone, however: he was in love with a beautiful ocelot woman a few years his junior. Big's power to manipulate water, which he has, was used in combination with Froggy's ability to manipulate earth, which _he_ has (DNA splicing experiments with royal family super powers), to create a palace on the shore of the Mystic Ruins. Big and Blaze's parents had the power to control air, and before their deaths, they willed their power into the Sol Emeralds to strengthen Blaze's flames and give her Burning form increased power.

In this reality, the Black Arms enslaved the wisps. They became too powerful by wielding the Hyper-Go-On and were abducted by Argus into the Twilight Cage. Because their numbers and magic rivaled even the technology and training of the Nocturnus, great strife consumed the races of the Twilight Cage. The conflict ended when Black Doom and Imperator Ix decided to combine their superior genes and superior engineering, respectively, to create a being based on the chthonic beast-god Argus that was intended to defeat him. Black Doom offered his blood to be hybridized with a relic, the flesh of Argus himself, and infused with the power of the wisps using the super science of Nocturne's labs.

The product was not a black hedgehog built to cure disease, no, but an ultramarine cephelapod with a striking resemblance to the echidnas. The ultimate lifeform's name was KEVIN the Octopus.

In the Chaos Dimension of this reality, Gerald Robotnik lacked the means to move from his prototype the Biolizard to a more refined product in light of the fact that the Black Comet was uninhabited. Thus, he focused the ARK's resources on Artificial Chaos and the advancement of chaos drive technology. In this way, he sought to conceive of an invention that could atomize cures within patients. GUN allowed Gerald the possession of the seven Chaos Emeralds, as well as the Master Emerald. Because of the disturbance to the balance of Angel Island and the chao, a chain of events was set into motion.

Because Gerald never created Shadow, Shadow never begat Silver, so Silver was never able to beget Sonic to fulfill the prophecy, so the echidna remnants survived. With no Master Emerald to protect, they never hatched Knuckles. Gerald invented his atomizer and cured NIDS, but continued his research for the next fifty years. Because he continued a rich life of successful research, his grandson Ivo was never turned into an evil-bent megalomaniac. Ivo was intensely interested in anthropology and cybernetics, and he combined these to create OC-R34—an automaton based on the hedgehog from the prophetic mural in the Mystic Ruins and combined with Gerald's advanced chaos research to be a miniature chaos drive factory capable of forming full synthetic Chaos Emeralds.

KEVIN is sent to obtain emeralds for his battle with Argus. Instead of being sent to the Chaos Emeralds and Master Emerald, he appears in the Sol Dimension, attracted instead by the Sol Emeralds and the Jeweled Scepter. He is forced to lay siege against Blaze's land in order to wrest them from her possession, as only with their power could he Control to the Chaos Dimension (as his warp belt is damaged). Blaze falls to him, and with her dying breath she wills her power to Mary Sue the Ocelot. KEVIN performs the necessary rituals and uses the Jeweled Scepter to enter the Chaos Dimension, unaware that the activation of the Power of the Stars without the existence of a guardian causes the geological activity of Blaze's world to go out of control. In addition, the portal he creates becomes a widening tear that threatens to annihilate the barrier between the dimensions; this could have cataclysmic implications.

He travels to South Island and interrogates Big for the location of the Chaos Dimension emeralds. Mary Sue steals the Sol Emeralds from him and fights him, the combination of the monarchs' air and fire powers proving her a worthy opponent to the ultimate lifeform. Big and Froggy will her their powers over water and earth, and she begins to overwhelm KEVIN with her might. However, as Burning Mary Sue, she cannot hope to control her power, so she faints before she can finish him. KEVIN doesn't harm her or her friends, and he begins to feel regret for what he did to her sister-in-law. In penance, he leaves her the Jeweled Scepter.

KEVIN finds the crash-landed Angel Island, which he had heard was a floating island, but had become a sea-bound island in its 50 years of rest. He finds the echidna remnants, stumbling upon them as Eggman Nega reveals his plan to them. He interrupts to announce his nature and origin, revealing the Sol Emeralds. Eggman Nega has knowledge of the Sol Dimension because of some time traveling he'd done there, so he reveals that KEVIN has likely irreversibly damaged the Sol Dimension with his thievery. KEVIN's regret turns to despair, so he resolves that there is nothing he can do; he is here to fulfill his mission, and cannot worry about the consequences. The remnants are overjoyed to hear of the Nocturnus Clan's survival. Eggman Nega educates KEVIN on the history and legends of his stolen artifacts so as to help him wield their power against Chaos, the guardian of chao trapped in the Master Emerald whom he will have to fight for the emeralds.

Princess Elise III, the vessel of Iblis, had been taken to Angel Island by Eggman Nega, who releases Mephiles. He takes the form of Nega's doppelganger, like a Nega Nega. Mephiles offers to help them invoke the power of Illumina, the goddess of dreams, his sister from eons ago. Instead, he absorbs Void, and he uses the power of the Precioustone and the Sol Emeralds to rouse Argus from the Twilight Cage. While he summons his brother, the remnants and Nega are slain. KEVIN becomes Burning KEVIN and escapes while Lumina Flowlight rescues Elise.

Mary Sue is awoken in the care of her husband to find that the portal KEVIN tore had become a vast orb-like mass of expanding, overlapping spacetime. Blaze's world and this world had begun to merge, and they would no doubt end life if they were allowed to persist. Mephiles' invocation of Argus was casting darkness over the world, and tremendous tentacles were beginning to appear in the heavens. Mary Sue creates an elemental maelstrom to combat the threat, but she is too weak. Big the Cat uses the Jeweled Scepter to channel the Power of the Stars leaking from the portal to empower her, and with the Jeweled Scepter in her possession, she is able to attract the attention of Argus and Mephiles.

Burning KEVIN is en route to the ARK, but sees that Mary Sue is fighting the gods on her own and returns to aid her. Meanwhile, the Time Eater senses that the Twilight Cage is without its guardian so he moves upon it and begins consuming its spatiotemporal mass. Doom and Ix are forced to combat it, and Shade is sent to inform KEVIN using a warp belt. Sadly, as she leaves, the Time Eater is successful in consuming the Twilight Cage in its entirety, thereby fully regaining his strength. Shade appears in the ARK, attracted to the power of the emeralds there. She cannot find KEVIN, but instead stumbles upon the lab in which the emeralds are being held. She meets Rouge and is forced to fight.

Meanwhile, the GUN forces on the ARK and elsewhere are scrambled to intercept the "situation" occurring on South Island (the quickly expanding portal and the monster crawling into existence). Shade is also engaged by OC-R34, but by hacking its programming with Nocturnus-style combat, it turns instead on Rouge. Shade approaches the Master Emerald and begins to set the warp belt to transport it, when OC-R34 inadvertently throws Rouge into it and shatters it. Chaos is released and begins rampaging. Artificial Chaos are sent against him, but when Chaos absorbs all of the Chaos Emeralds, it all but destroys the ARK, killing the numerous important people on board. The only survivor is OC-R34, which is holding its own against the monster. Tikal's spirit appears to Burning KEVIN and Mary Sue to tell him the catastrophe that is taking place.

Argus has completely entered the space around the planet. During the fight, Mephiles disappears and fights Lumina for Elise. Mary Sue follows him into the dream world. Unfortunately, he knifes Elise in the combat. Burning KEVIN fights Argus, causing horrible destruction, and destroys him. The Time Eater reaches Earth, and he throws the ARK down into the atmosphere, whereupon it crashes to the ground and causes cataclysm. Mary Sue escapes the dream world while Mephiles bathes himself in the Flames of Disaster and absorbs Lumina Flowlight. Chaos attacks Burning KEVIN, who joins forces with OC-R34 while the Time Eater approaches. Mary Sue joins as well, and when Chaos is destroyed, she uses the Chaos Emeralds to become Super Mary Sue. While Burning KEVIN and OC-R34 deal with the Time Eater, Super Mary Sue assembles the Master Emerald and maximizes the energy from the Emeralds so that they become Hyper Mary Sue and Hyper KEVIN.

The Time Eater begins to inhale the spatiotemporal material of the planet. Even while time is being annihilated, Team OC easily destroys the Time Eater. While silence falls and it seems they have emerged victorious. However, Mephiles (the evil and intelligence of Solaris) has joined with both Iblis (the body and strength of Solaris) and Illumina (the intelligence and strength of Solaris), creating a being that is 1½ Solarises. It destroys all time and pulls Team OC into a tabula rasa universe, where they defeat the Solaris-and-a-half. Because they have, alone, destroyed all of the worst monsters in existence, reality implodes and the three are subsequently dumped into the void of the beyond. Mary Sue, KEVIN, and OC-R34 spend the next eternity getting to know one another. Eventually, they find themselves transported to the true reality.

 **Wasn't that** **fun?**


	2. Chapter 2: Long Time No See

**I'm setting myself a limit of seven total f-bombs for this T-rated fanfiction. Wish me luck!**

Sonic the Hedgehog tore Green Hill Zone up, killing badniks and grabbing rings and not asking any questions about why the badniks are there or what the fuck is the deal with the floating magical jewelry that is sometimes used as currency but mostly used as one-hit armor. More importantly, he was going fast and looking as cool as possible while doing it.

Before he could leap into the next Act, a disturbance in mid-air caused him to stop. It was a rippling wormhole similar to the Chaos Control time portals. However, instead of spitting out a time-traveler, the wormhole released three indescribably, breathtakingly wondrous individuals from its spatiotemporal depths. It was an ocelot girl, an octopus boy, and a robot.

Sonic felt woozy for a moment when he looked at them. In fact, directly looking at them caused the most bizarre feeling to wash over him. It was as though they were the most attractive beings he'd ever witnessed, like radiant gods of old, and he also felt strong apprehension in his gut…fear, reverential fear, that these beings were as lovely as gods but even stronger. Sonic didn't register that he'd been avoiding staring at them for over a minute, a long, awkward time indeed.

"Sonic the Hedgehog," Sonic heard in his head. While he wasn't usually one to panic, he had just begun to feel a myriad of disturbing symptoms and was now hallucinating. As if in answer to his worries, the voice continued, "don't be afraid. I am a telepath, though I lack a mouth. It's a tragic flaw."

Sonic's chills slowed to a halt as he willed himself to make eye contact with the "speaker". He was similar to Knuckles in appearance, but he had suction cup-lined tentacles, yet they were nearly identical to echidna spines. He was a brilliant ultramarine, a slightly brighter blue than Sonic's own. To his right was a girl who reminded Sonic of Blaze, but in place of a purple pelt and face-dot was the loveliest leopard-like pattern to which he'd ever had the honor of bearing witness.

As he started to lose himself in her ethereal beauty, he could not help but gawk at her attire, which was [3-page description not found]. Breath-taking.

On the octopus' other side was a robot very similar to Metal Sonic, except his color scheme was black, red, and silver. That's actually a concise description; the robot's appearance is almost solely a play-by of Metal Sonic.

Sonic sighed, steadying himself. He wasn't being himself…for some reason, that casual revelation was a disturbing, perhaps foreshadowing thought. "Hey, strangers. I'm guessing you're the, er, _telepath_. I'm not real into scifi, so I'm not going to ask, but I do have a strong urge to…tell you you're wrong about your no-mouth-ness being a flaw…" Before he let himself go on, Sonic bit his tongue. He was blushing. Blushing?!

The ocelot cleared her throat, cognizant of his position. She spoke up in the loveliest, most attractive, most megariffic voice Sonic—or any other being in existence—had ever heard. "We should introduce ourselves. Allow me; I'm Mary Sue the Ocelot. I have powers over air, water, earth, and fire. I can also run 1000 miles per hour without breaking a sweat. My sister-in-law, husband, and family pet were all annihilated when our reality collapsed. KEVIN?"

"Whoa, wait wait," Sonic interjected before the octopus guy could talk. "Your family _and_ existence went kaplooie, and you're completely fine with that? Also, _really?_ You can jog Mach 3? And have you ever met Blaze, because your powers sound a lot like hers."

"Blaze? Blaze the Cat?" Mary Sue gasped, her surprised voice like the beating of a million butterfly wings. "She was my sister-in-law!" Sonic almost asked who her husband, and by extension Blaze's sibling, was, but something told him it wouldn't be worth it. "If she's alive…then _he_ must be too!" She looked thoughtful for a moment, her quizzical expression surpassing that of the most genius polymath. "Sonic! Where is my husband, Big the Cat?"

Now, Sonic decided it was worth it. "Big. You're saying Big is Blaze's bro, _and_ you're in love with him?" Sonic nearly lost his footing as he stood in awe of the oddity unfolding. "And you fell out of nowhere, but you know my name?" Sonic rolled his eyes, deciding he didn't want to know. "But yeah, he's in the jungle near the mystic ruins."

"Thank you! Fortunately, I have a working knowledge of this island's geography, so I'll catch up with you guys later, okay?" With that, Mary Sue blew a kiss into the midst of Sonic and her two friends, and Sonic had to suppress the urge to throw himself in front of what he could only imagine was the sweetest kiss ever cast. He watched as the invisible kiss blew away; he felt deep, emphatic regret at having missed it. The ocelot then struck a ninja pose and disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

"I am KEVIN, the ultimate lifeform. I was created in the Twilight Cage from the DNA of Black Doom, Argus, and a wisp slave using advanced Nocturnus genetic engineering. Long story short, I had a mission and reality didn't make it." Sonic nodded. He was full-on not comprehending half of what this weirdo was saying, but Sonic was beginning to realize asking questions wouldn't make him feel better about all the nonsense he was spouting.  
"Go on," Sonic urged, gesticulating accordingly.

"As I have said, I have the power of telepathy. I also have the power to bend space and time to my will with my mind, a power known as psychokinesis." Sonic quirked an eye ridge. Honestly, he was expecting a more grandiose set of powers. It would seem KEVIN read his mind—literally—because he went on to say, "To put my abilities in perspective, in the fight that killed our reality, I used my psychokinesis to bludgeon gods with the moon."

KEVIN successfully convinced Sonic that these folks were full of it. That is, while his mind told him they were liars, his body and heart and soul were crying out for them, that their truth was the purest of all truths. His being was basically betraying his capacity for reason by begging him to kneel down and worship them. KEVIN cleared his throat. Sonic became uncomfortable; maybe the telepathy, not the mouth thing, was the guy's problem. How do you make friends when you're not safe in your own mind?

"I'll forgive you for your doubt and brutal honesty. OC-R34, you should introduce yourself." Sonic had to give it to him: he had a lot of patience. The ultimate lifeform he knew would have done his best to impale him.

"I apologize for not being an engaging conversational attendant. I have been scanning this world's infosphere to determine the reason for our egress from the void, for it would seem we were rescued by an intelligence." The bot held out his hands and manifested two generic-colored chaos emeralds, one of which immediately disappeared. "KEVIN, I have left you an emerald in the hammerspace should you need it. I am sorry to leave without introducing myself, but I believe time is of the essence." With that, the remaining emerald shone brightly and he disappeared.

Sonic facepalmed. Not all of him wanted to ask, but it was a sufficient amount to do so. "One: did he just birth gems of unlimited power? Two: what in the name of Chaos' great-aunt Marge is a hammerspace?"

"Artificial chaos emeralds with perfectly duplicated wavelength patterns, but each limited to a single use. OC-R34 is a mobile emerald factory, one could say. And the hammerspace? I imagined you would be familiar with it, since it is the preternatural between-space that permeates existence. It is so called because it is convenient for storing otherwise cumbersome effects. Hammers, for instance."

Suddenly Amy's hammer made sense, in a nothing-makes-sense-anymore kind of way. "So it's just you and me now, Kevin my friend. Since I don't want to come up with any ulterior motives around you, let's go to Tails' lab, since that seems like the best place to go from here."

"Are you thinking about it right now?" KEVIN asked.

Sonic quirked the same eye ridge, which was at this point becoming tired. "Um, yeah. I am—also, when did we start standing outside of Tails' lab like there wasn't a ton of ground between us and it a second ago?"

KEVIN pointed to his stylish belt that Sonic was only now noticing for some reason. "Warp belt technology. It's flawless teleportation, with virtually no risk of obliteration." He sweatdropped with the realization that Sonic wasn't waiting through his explanation, and was strolling to Tails' front door.

"Coming, fishy?" Sonic asked, finally having learned to take this guy's weirdness in stride. KEVIN followed, correcting him in that he is a mollusk and not a fish, as they entered Tails' lab. Tails wasn't banging on a new invention or the Tornado as Sonic expected, but instead was nerding over a particularly large and obligatorily ancient-looking book.

"Whatcha got there?" Sonic announced with a jerk-level volume, startling his friend to nearly falling out of his seat.

"I was banging on a new invention when this huge book just fell out of nowhere Sonic who is that?" Tails rambled, making no effort to transition between his exposition and the realization that there was a stranger in his home.

"This is Kevin the Octopus; him and his two compadres fell out of a hole in nothing—"

"I call it a Tails Hole."

"—and they're some kind of crazy band of super-freaks. No offense, fishy," Sonic assured in a most non-assuring manner.

KEVIN mirrored Sonic's habit of taking potential offense in stride. "None taken, blue rat."

Talking nearly at the same time, Tails exclaimed, "He made mouth words in my brain! He doesn't have a mouth, Sonic! Why doesn't he have a mouth?" while Sonic exclaimed, "Hey, that's was Erazor Djinn called me!" but then proceeded to listen to Tails spaz and otherwise abandon all tact.

Sonic cleared his throat, the air slightly tense since Tails just violently struck the elephant in the room. (A/N: I stand by this metaphor.) "So that book. Does it have secrets of ultimate power that Eggman will try to steal it for?"

"Well, yes to the first half and maybe to the second. I'm pretty sure Eggman has no way of detecting that I was given a book out of a Tails Hole."

Suddenly! the wall was blasted to bits and the so-spoken-of devil was hovering in his Egg Mobile. "Behold! I, Eggman, have detected that you, fox boy, were given a book out of an Eggman Hole!"

As Sonic pointed out how uncannily parallel Eggman's statement was to Tails, Tails indignantly corrected Eggman, "It's called a Tails Hole! You have enough stuff named after you already!"

"Who is he?" KEVIN asked.

"That's—"

"I see," KEVIN stated, interrupting Sonic. He gleaned all the information he needed from the images in Sonic's head.

"I'm never going to be used to that," Sonic muttered, almost disappointed he didn't get to go through the expositional monologue.

"I think I'll take care of him for you. You two have other visitors coming, anyway."

Before the adventurer duo could ask, KEVIN pulled the fake emerald out of nothing—a Tails Hole?—and apparently charged it momentarily with streams of what looked a lot like Hyper-go-on energy. They could at this point ask, but were quite speechless. The now larger, super emerald gleamed with newly imbued strength. He then went Super, only it wasn't Super, it was Hyper, and then Hyper KEVIN set his sights on the Egg Mobile.

Eggman paused for a beat before losing his cool and buzzing off as fast as possible. "Oh GOD! WHAT IS THAT?! I'M GOING HOME! OH GOD HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?!"

KEVIN was still standing there, energy crackling around him. "Sorry for wrecking your lab, Tails," he apologized, eyes not leaving the shrinking dot in the sky. Tails broke his stare and realized that, yes, the pulse from KEVIN's transformation caused everything to fall into the floor and/or explode. Tails didn't care about that, though, because there were towering questions that were burning a hole in his question sack.

"Where did that emerald come from how did you make it bigger how did you go into hyper mode with just one emerald what did you mean by visitors aaaaaand _why are you just standing there?_ " Tails blurted out.

"I'd love to explain, really, but it would probably bore you, if Sonic's reaction to my explanations are any indication." Before Tails could disagree, KEVIN continued, "But I will tell you I am standing here so that the round one can get a head start. I don't want to beat him _too_ quickly. This way it should last more than half a stage."

Tails was agape with persisting confusion. Sonic slapped him on the back with mock cheer; "It's okay buddy, it's just that sometimes questions only raise more questions and it's impossible to fully understand."

There was a knock at the door. Evidently the visitors—whoever they were—were unaware of the large smoldering hole in the side of the building. Sonic and Tails looked in the direction of the front door, and when they regained spatial awareness they absorbed the fact that KEVIN had gone. Without disturbing any airborne particles in the slightest.

Sonic shrugged. "Well, maybe it won't be so bad having someone else around to kick Eggbutt's butt every once in a while."

The knock came again, this time more insistently. The two power-walked to the door and opened it to reveal two human men in suits. "Miles Prower? Sonic the Hedgehog?" one asked, too which they cautiously nodded. "I am agent Gen Eric and this is agent Gene Ric. We represent the international association for truancy & dropout prevention." Tails, in the midst of creeping horror at the immanent implications, noticed badges with their names and a sigil bearing the acronym IATDP.

The other began, "It has come to the attention of the I-A-T-D-P that you boys have been truant for your whole lives. Please come with us; there is a hearing for the truancy of young noodle people being held in the capital."

"Noodle people?" Sonic questioned with incredulity.

Tails, not missing a beat, ignored Sonic and asked, "Are you saying we're going to have to go to school? Do you know nothing about what I do in my spare time? I build things. Complicated electronics. Mechanical marvels."

"Listen, fox boy," Agent Ric spoke as though he were chastising a simple child for pretending to be a super genius, "I don't care what you do in your pretend games, and I don't care how good you are at flying the airplane you upgrade all by yourself. What I do care about is getting truant kids like you in school."

Tails was speechless again. Sonic took over. "Why should we go with you? I save the world all the time, won't going to hearings or schools interfere with that and, you know, generally endanger the world?"

Agent Eric shook his head. "We get a lot of teens who think they have more important things to do than school. We in the business call this the 'personal fable'. You have to come with us, because if you fail to answer a formal summons, you will be thrown in jail."

Sonic looked to Tails and rolled his eyes. "Tails, I think we better go. Busting out of jail sounds like it would be more trouble than just doing what these folks say."

"If you say so, Sonic, but I need to grab something before we go." With that, Tails propelled himself into the back. Sonic stood awkwardly with the agents for the next couple minutes before Tails reemerged with a backpack strapped to his shoulders that was stretched around something big and rectangular. "Okay, let's go guys."

The agents split between escorting them to the vehicle and bringing up the rear. While they walked the short distance, Sonic asked, "Hey Tails, where'd you get the backpack?"

"Oh yeah, you know how I said the book came out of the Tails Hole? So did a nice backpack."

"Quiet kids. Sit down and buckle up." Tails hoisted his backpack into his lap as he scooted aside for Sonic to join him in the back seat of the vehicle that, once the doors sealed shut, turned out to be an aircraft. They ascended vertically before zooming in some direction. Meanwhile Tails and Sonic spotted out of the window some flying fortress in the distance exploding.

The transport slowed as they approached a city—it had skyscrapers, cars, floating platforms, and dash panels, so it could be anywhere. Tails and Sonic shared a look; neither knew where they were. Because of urban zones in South Island, it wasn't clear just how many cities there were there, and while they did cross over a body of water, there are plenty of those in the enigmatic geography of the island. It was possible they were in United Federation territory, not that it ultimately mattered.

They came to a stop midair over the middle of the city. They descended into what turned out to be a parking lot filled with similar flying machines. Sonic and Tails could see two that were still unloading their passengers. Knuckles was being escorted none-too-compliantly by two agents and Amy was being helped from her seat by a single female agent with whom she seemed to get along. "So they're in trouble too, huh?" Sonic muttered.

After they landed, the doors released and Agent Ric began escorting Tails while Agent Eric began to take Sonic by the shoulder. The sidewalk from the parking lot to the building was short, the area devoid of springs, platforms, power-ups, badniks, or rings. This place was a special kind of evil.

In the large courtroom beyond the entourage, there were two rows of benches with adjoined desks, a walkway running between them to create four working areas. It would be several minutes before they finish traversing the necessary hurdles to reach the destination, so let's focus on the more interesting business of those already within.

Silver slouched in his seat, arms crossed. He was at the end of a front-row bench, and to his right was Shadow. The hedgehog in question propped up his head and intermittently tapped his fingers on the desk before them. When Silver had been brought there, there were already a lot of people. "How long have you been here?" Silver asked Shadow in a low voice.

"I was here first," Shadow answered flatly. "My mission was to report here. That's it. Judging on who the organization bringing us together is, I don't think with the most likely scenario that everyone will survive my wrath."

Silver was slightly taken aback. Turning away from him, disturbed by how calmly he indiscriminately threatened their lives, he directed his next question to the person seated behind him. Whoa! How did he not notice that the guy was a polar bear? He wanted to mention he'd never seen one before but decided it would be impolite. In the second that thought crossed his mind, Bark looked him in the eye. "You looking for something?" he growled. He wasn't an inherently rude person, he was just an _angry bear_. The wise tend to avoid perturbing those.

Silver smiled briefly in an attempt to be disarming. The question he was meaning to ask blanked from his thoughts, so he resorted to a politer rewording of his initial reaction. "I've never met you before. I'm Silver."

Bark appeared to chew on his options of either responding in turn or eating his face. He visibly sighed, dropping his intimidating façade. "I'm Bark the Polar Bear." He glanced around. "I've never seen you either. Most of you people, in fact. The only people I recognize are the people I fought in a tournament a while back. You're a hedgehog; do you know Sonic?"

Silver briefly considered being offended at the stereotype. Then again, he would have asked the same if he'd ever known some other polar bear. "I'm from the future…relative to this time period, which is, relative to me, the past. I have to come here to change present actions to avoid their repercussions in my time."

"You say 'here', like you don't have to go to other times?" Bark asked. Silver would have been surprised at the intelligence of the answer, but was he beginning to realize he was heavily stereotyping the gentlefellow.

Then Silver thought about it. "You know, it does seem like this time period is the only one that I have to deal with." A thought struck him. "How old are you?"

Bark didn't know where he was going with it, to be honest, but, "I'm sixteen."

"And this is just a shot in the dark, but were you perchance sixteen at the time of the far-off tournament you mentioned?" Silver quizzed, emphasizing with appropriate gestures.

Bark had thought about it before, but never thought it wise to dwell on it. A voice from beside him spoke up. "Now that you mention it, this year _has_ been going on for quite some time."

Silver and Bark turned their heads to see Bean the Dynamite, whom only one of them barely recognized. To Bean's right was Honey the Cat, who offered, "Does anyone know the date?"

Ahead of her sat Fang the Sniper, who turned. "I wouldn't worry about it too much, mates. I hail from a place where time passes in relative dimensions, so this year lasting forever is perfectly natural."

"What do you mean? Where are you from?" a new voice asked. It was Mighty the Armadillo at the end of Fang's bench.

"Ah! That would be the Special Stage, mate. A place of infinite wonder and hallucinations, it is." Fang apparently became distracted. "You there, Bean fella', I remember you tossing bombs at me in that fight. Do you have your bombs on you?"

Bean shifted his gaze around the room to make sure no one heard overmuch. "Of course I do; they're in my pocket! But don't telegraph it to the fuzz!"

Fang looked slightly indignant, but softened. Asking an apparently random question, he followed, "What do you do for a living?"

He was suspicious, though his desire to talk about himself trumped that sense. "Military and private sector demolitions."

"Oh really?" Mighty inquired. "I'm a private military contractor. Solo jobs, mostly. Hey, Ray? What have you been up to?"

The individual in question was seated behind him at the end of the second row bench. He appeared to blush lightly. "Oh, you know, adventuring. Plain interesting adventurer."

"No he's not," Shadow announced. He was looking over a tablet device. "Ray the Flying Squirrel is a wage laborer. GUN civilian database."

Ray cleared his throat awkwardly. Honey picked up the discussion since everyone was shying away from the tense drop-off. "Well, _I_ have gotten pretty successful in my original fashion line. I advertise solely by wining fighting competitions. What about you, Bark?"

"I live alone. I provide for myself; I don't need money."

"Right, I didn't actually want to hear all that," Fang muttered. "I was meaning to ask how you got through with your pieces—they done confiscated my pistol!"

Bean rolled his eyes. "Why didn't you just stick the gun in your hammerspace? They can't even probe that with a cavity search."

"You'd be surprised," Shadow mentioned, refusing to turn. The tablet had disappeared, probably into his quills somehow.

Fang turned his attention to Shadow. "You mate, you're a bona fide GUN agent, aren't you? Do you know where these blokes put my pistol?"

"This is the I-A-T-D-P. The G-U-N is a separate organization; why would I know?"

Fang pouted. "Whatever. I'll get it back yet."

Just outside the large doors, Sonic and Tails were taken down a hallway that smelled of bureaucracy and stale humans. Pleasantly, however, the only humans in the large courtroom they were led into were the judge and the agents who were leaving after seating their charges. The duo was walked toward the second row on the left as they tried identifying all of those seated. "Do you think we're the last ones?" Tails whispered.

"I'm not seeing everyone I know, but yeah maybe," Sonic responded. He recognized individuals he expected like Amy and Knuckles, as well as Espio, Charmy Bee, (but not Vector,) Jet, (but not Wave or Storm,) Shadow, (but no Rouge or E-123 Omega to be seen), Cream, Cheese, and Vanilla. There were also quite a few people he hadn't seen in a long time, and quite frankly, people he never expected to see again. "There's Mighty, Fang, even Ray? And three people from the tournament…Bean, Bark, and Honey? Oh hey, Silver too! How did they get him here?"

As Sonic and Tails were seated at the end of a row by Knuckles, the bailiff took a few steps forward. Sonic raised an eye ridge. How the…? OC-R34, who was suddenly the bailiff, calmly announced: "This court session will now come to order, the honorable judge G. Eneric presiding."

"Man, they will not stop with that gag," Sonic whispered to Tails.

The judge picked up his gavel and struck the sound block a few times. "The noodle persons summoned have been found guilty of truancy by IADTP criteria." Shadow raised his hand, but was ignored. "In order to place you into the proper course level in the proper learning environment, a written examination has been prepared to evaluate you. Bailiff, please distribute the examination packets."

OC-R34 nodded. With that and only that, the papers dropped out of Tails Holes and onto the surfaces in front of them. Then smaller Tails Holes opened up and spat out pencils.

Judge Eneric continued. "There are six sections to each exam. If you are not literate, simply write 'cannot read or write' on the front of the packet under your name. The six sections are…" he paused, placing reading glasses on his nose and lifting a document to read the sections aloud, "…math, science, social studies, English, luck, and, um, plot." He lowered the document and his reading glasses. "When you complete one section, continue to the next. You will have as long as you need and there will be no breaks. Miss Vanilla, if you would leave the room? Please take the chao with you." After she acquiescently left, the judge declared, "Begin."

The 16 kids, teens, and ultimate lifeform opened their exam booklets to the first page. It was simple addition. Sonic glanced over to Tails, who was somehow already on the science portion. IQ of 300, huh? Sonic looked to his other side to Knuckles, who was in a fetal position. IQ of…rocks. Seated with Team Hero was Jet, who Sonic only then realized was scowling at him. Ahead of them were the present members of Teams Rose and Chaotix: Amy, Cream, Charmy Bee, and Espio.

Charmy was carefully filling in bubbles beside the multiple choice questions. '2 + 2 = blank'? Even he knew that! A few later (there were only ten questions), it became some nonsense like '4 – _x_ = 2' and '2cos(3 _x_ – 1) = 0'. The last question in his math section was '4 _e_ 2 _x_ = 5'. He was no longer confident in his math skills. He probably got a couple right.

Espio noticed in his peripheral vision Charmy's pencil stopping nervously for a long time. Espio was only unsure about two of them, but was confident enough to move on to the science portion as soon as he filled in his answer for number ten. The first few were simple graph-reading questions, but the final several were bizarre. 'If a person fell from 2.5 kilometers, would s/he survive the fall if s/he collided with a city street? A: No. B: Yes. C: Yes, but only if s/he has a makeshift snowboard. D: None of the above.' Espio had no choice but to guess the most detailed possibility, even though he had serious reservations about it. He filled in the bubble for C.

On the other side of Charmy from Espio, Cream was stuck. She hovered mentally over the last question of the science section. She only had any idea about the first four, and the last five were way too hard. This one, though, was a special kind of crazy. 'If Little Planet and the moon became gravitationally entangled, what would the best course of action be? A: Create a graviton generator powered using small animals to increase the saturation of the gravitational field, thus allowing the bodies to regain their original orbit. B: Teleport one or both of the bodies to other locations around the Earth using Chaos Control. C: Use the Time Stones of Little Planet to travel into the past and prevent the entanglement with platforming. D. Collect all the Chaos Emeralds to power the Eclipse Cannon and destroy the Earth; this will eliminate the center of gravity, freeing the bodies.'

Cream was stumped and felt herself being force to compromise her ethics, glancing at Amy's test and filling in the last answer as she did. Amy flipped her booklet out of the science section into the social studies section. She heard Tails behind her close his, apparently having already finished. 1: 'How many continents are there?' She marked the bubble for the answer '7'. The next question described an historical figure, whom Amy correctly indicated as 'Gerald Robotnik'. Number 3 was about the ancient echidnas, the answer to which was 'The Knuckles Clan'. Number 4 had her name the princess of Soleanna, which she knew was 'Elise III'. The next provided four lists of locations, and the task was to identify which one correctly listed the locations containing Gaia Temples. That was the last question she was sure about; as in the previous sections, the questions became insane.

Across the aisle, Silver was near her in the exam but was not nearly as well-off. Earlier he had mentioned to Bark that he never dealt with periods before the present, and it showed in how he knew nothing of history. In the questions on geography, he knew enough to probably answer a couple of them right. However, the last few were questions he doubted anyone there knew. 'Which of the following is a city located on the same continent as Chun-nan?' 'Which of the indicated locations on the map above represent the location of Westside Island?' 'Is Spagonia a city or a country? A: City. B: Country. C: Both. D: Neither.'

Silver narrowed his eyes in the suspicion that these questions were unanswerable. He slowly turned the page to the next section without answering half the items. He heard Shadow chuckle at something, but before Silver could let his eye wander to see, Shadow had closed his test booklet. He had finished.

The next section was English. Fortunately, none of the questions were about the history of the development of the language, how there is an English with no England, or why it is and has been the only language used throughout time and space. It was, in fact, the first section without questions bordering on impossible. The only challenge was the real danger of not knowing useful things like what a gerund is, when to use a semicolon, or the difference between metonymy and synecdoche.

Fang was trying to control his trigger finger and the desire to shoot the test in the face as it mocked his abysmal understanding of the language. Bark rarely associated with others and Bean wasn't the most affluent of bomb-throwers (the Kiki badniks are surprisingly well-spoken), but they knew enough to barely outpace Fang. Ray was answering a solid half of the questions with confidence, since as a "wage laborer" he was expected to know how to communicate somewhat well, whether it was customers in retail or customers in food service. Honey was responsible for a fashion company and was able to comprehend business contracts—nonetheless, she had never heard of an "epistemic modality" before.

Jet flipped out of the English section. He was doing mediocre, but it's not like he cared. First of all, he was the only one of the Babylon Rogues to get taken by the IADTP, reminding everyone of how young he is. Second, he was an accomplished outlaw. "Rogue". What was he doing being wrestled into a box by the man? Third, he was seated in the same row as Sonic the Hedgehog. While he considered the guy his rival and generally had nothing against him personally, he couldn't shake the feeling that all of this was somehow his fault.

When he turned the page to the next section, his beaked jaw nearly dropped. The other sections all lasted multiple pages. This one, the luck section, was only one page. It was just ten groups of A, B, C, and D. There were no questions and no substance to the answers. No instructions or directives of any kind. The only possible conclusion is that they were expected to mark them at random, thus showing a measure of their luck. "What kind of stupid crap is this?" Jet mumbled aloud.

Knuckles was still frozen in terror, though he had managed to guess on the first two math problems. Sonic looked past him to Jet when he heard his comment. He smirked. He was finishing up his luck page, just thinking about how this was his kind of test. Then he turned the page to the final section, and…it was blank. There wasn't anything there. It was presented in a way that strongly implied there should be something there, but the section itself was empty. Sonic nearly cracked up laughing at the absurdity. He simply shut the booklet. After another, more emphatic curse, he spied Jet doing the same. Knuckles flushed, and he closed his as well, though almost none of it was attempted.

Save for Shadow the Hedgehog, Sonic's row was the first finished. The rest followed pretty soon after. The judge had gone out at some point. OC-R34 was stationary, unmoving as still as only a robot can stay.

It went on like that for a good six minutes. Sonic leaned forward and "psssst"ed to get Amy's attention. She turned to him, clearly eager to give him her attention. "Amy, do you know what's going on? Some goons came and got us, but the chick who got you seemed less jerk-ish."

"Well, yeah, she was nice, but she didn't really give me much information other than I had a legal summons…" She didn't add 'she helped me feel less scared'.

Jet sneered; "They basically busted in our hideout and dragged me into their transport kicking and screaming, but Wave and Storm just strolled into some other flying machine and took off!"

Charmy Bee, making it clear the conversation was no longer taking place at whisper-volume, added, "Vector told Espio and me to show up here for a job. Test aside, this is the easiest job ever!"

Espio shook his head. "No, Charmy, I don't think this is a job after all."

Before anyone else could speak, Tails holes appeared in front of each of them—Sonic narrowly avoiding being sucked into his Tails hole, as he was leaning forward—and vacuumed up their materials. Some archaic computer noises like dial-up internet and fax machine screeching came out of their bailiff, and an egg timer "ding" seemed to indicate that something was finished.

"Your materials have been evaluated. You will be given grades stratified based on the overall distribution." He initiated a holographic projection of a table containing their scores and derived statistics.

Shadow let out a string of curses too graphic for a T-rating. "I scored lower than _Knuckles?_ I made the highest mark on every section but plot, and how did I get a negative score when there wasn't anything to it?!"

"Way to go, bro!" Sonic exclaimed, meeting Tails' hand in a high-five.

"Could you possibly explain what's happening?" Tails asked once his hands were available for a quizzical gesture.

"Perhaps _I_ could explain!" proclaimed the deep, diabolical voice of Dr. Eggman. The kids/teens/Shadow turned their heads to the back of the courtroom to spot him in a surprising predicament. Instead of toting a toon WMD or piloting a boss bot, he was in handcuffs being escorted by Rouge the Bat and KEVIN, the latter of whom only Sonic recognized. At his side were Metal Sonic, also restrained, and a Motobug with fetters on its tiny claws.

In their company were the missing members of the present teams, including Vector of the Chaotix, Wave and Storm of the Babylon Rogues, Omega and the aforementioned Rouge of Team Dark, and, of Team Rose, …Big the Cat? Only something was very different about him and Froggy, and on his arm was Mary Sue the Ocelot—whom, like KEVIN, only Sonic recognized. Vanilla and Cheese were returning, much to Cream's delight.

"Eggman? What are you doing here!" Amy exclaimed accusatorily.

"Allow me to introduce Kevin the Octopus," Rouge began when they made their way to the front of courtroom, silencing the dull roar of confusion that followed their revelation: "the hero who hand-delivered Doctor Eggman to the G-U-N. He confessed to crimes against humanity and was sentenced to a lifetime of community service, which they felt was the best way to use his genius."

"I'm flattered, really," Eggman declared, paying no mind to how Rouge was not trying to flatter him in the slightest. Upstaging her, Eggman continued, "While it is not my idea of a good time, I believe I can do all kinds of _good_ in my new position as your high school principal."

Cue unison "WHAT?!"

"Yes! Mobius High, named after the Mobius-strip perpetual motion generator I installed over this building, which has been commandeered by the I-A-D-T-P for the purpose of educating you truant scum!"

"Must you talk in shouting?" Metal Sonic mumbled, seemingly no longer impressed by his authority.

"Expositional shouting, no less," Motobug added, proving an even more mumbled mumble.

"You will each be provided with a student handbook, class schedule, and a copy of orientation statistics," OC-R34 informed them. Tails holes obliged by depositing paperback manuals in front of each sudden high school student.

"Do you have any idea what I am? I am the ultimate lifeform!" Shadow shouted, the latter part of which Sonic mimicked perfectly. "I was created decades ago as the perfect being—a perfect being who should not be…in the sophomore class!" His eyes darted over the class schedule in his manual to confirm his abhorrent suspicion.

"Yeah, are you kidding? I'm a genius prodigy, here! A senior, minimum!" Jet argued with similar disgruntlement.

"That is detention, young man!" Eggman indicated with a necessary finger-point.

"Wait—what? What about Shadow?"

"Two detentions!"

"Jet, look at your student handbook," Wave advised.

Looking down angrily, Jet saw an all-capital indication pretty much at the very start of his handbook: SUPPORTING CHARACTER, followed by AUTONOMOUS DIALOGUE IS SUBJECT TO DETENTION. He was going to loose another outburst, when Storm cut him off.

"Look, boss, this ain't my decision, but I _am_ the detention overseer, and I _can_ say you really don't want to spend too much time in Detention Zone."

"Am I the only senior?" Tails asked.

"No," Mary Sue replied, nearly bringing everyone to their knees with the majesty of her vocence (neologism: vocal presence) by that singular utterance. "I am also a senior, as is KEVIN!"

"And _I_ am the LUNCH MAN, Possession Stu!" the cat formerly known as Big announced unprovoked. For an easy face-claim, he is identical to Duke Nukem in every way except his purpleness. "I've come to cook food and chew bubble gum, and you know what? _I'm all out of gum!_ When I'm not slaying students with my monster meals, I'm slaying _demons_ with my _mystical powers!_ " Purple Duke Nukem with the powers of John Constantine, basically.

"Demons?" Sonic asked.

On cue, from the aisle erupted a chasm and a band of ferocious Dark Gaia minions. There was a Nightmare and four-or-so tiny Rexes. Possession Stu lunged at them with sudden fangs and claws, tearing the Rexes to shreds. Froggy, who now looked exactly like a Battletoad, clapped his slimy hands on the floor to produce the effect of trapping the Nightmare with some kind of rock business from the ground.

The shadowy goo of the lesser minions dripping from his implements of destruction, Possession Stu gruesomely punched through the Nightmare's chest region and pulled out what appeared to be a heart. "Return to the darkness from whence thee came, demon!" he shouted, crushing the heart. The Nightmare exploded into unpleasant goo that splattered everyone.

Fortunately, Dark Gaia forces completely disappear once defeated, and the nonplussed crowd was plussed to find that the entrails vaporized. Froggy did some more floor-hitting and, apparently by his power for some reason, the floor chasm closed up. Possession Stu rejoined Mary Sue at the front of the room. He had no more one-liners to offer, it seemed.

"I'm sorry, but WHAT?" Sonic demanded.

An echo entered everyone's minds, throwing all those unaccustomed to KEVIN's telepathy (virtually everyone) into a brief episode of panic. "Ever since we arrived in this world, Dark Gaia has been awoken. I understand that there is a _time of awakening_ whereupon Dark Gaia rises and annihilates the world."

"Yet for some reason, Dark Gaia has not even fragmented the world, let alone gone on an earnest campaign to end the world." This voice was that of Professor Pickle, who, like all good surprise characters, entered from the back of the courtroom.

"Hey, Professor! Are you teaching here, too?" Tails asked excitedly.

"Not quite. I have been recruited by Mobius High as the school nurse."

Tails stared dumbfounded for a beat. "Huh."

OC-R34 disappeared and rematerialized standing atop the judge's desktop. "Today is Friday. Classes begin on Monday; you may have the weekend to acclimate to your new home, the Mobius Dormitory. You have been given room numbers along with your grade assignments. These will be your sole dwelling for the entirety of the school session."

Knuckles gulped. He was tougher than leather, no doubt, but the squid man who admittedly looked very similar to an echidna creeped him out—and he, KEVIN, was Knuckles' roommate.

"Roomies," Silver told Shadow, his voice carrying a mixture of fear and excitement.

Amy didn't remember Honey the Cat very well—even less so than the other tournament-only heroes—but she was glad she got to share a room with another girl. It was even better that Honey was a teenager like her.

"Return here, to the auditorium, Monday morning at oh-eight-hundred-hours for more thorough orientation. Students with detention must arrive one hour early." With that, he, as well as KEVIN, fully disintegrated from the room. Knowing he would be spending more time than with which he was comfortable with KEVIN, Knuckles found himself wondering where they went.

"You heard the superintendent!" Eggman shouted. "Get out of here! I'm under house arrest here, which means this is _my_ house!"

"Oh really?" Sonic queried, a flood of mischievous ideas running through his mind. He wasn't exactly renowned for respecting Eggman's property.

That wasn't the part of what Eggman said that caught Tails' attention. "Superintendent?"

Following the lead of the first two to exit, Shadow pulled a Chaos Emerald from his hammerspace to Chaos Control right the heck out of there. Bean leapt forward into Shadow's seat to face Fang. "Looks like we're roommates!" he announced.

"I like that," Fang replied, making sure they didn't forget about his Australian accent, "because you understand the importance of arms, and I need another pair of hands to get by pistol back."

"What are we waiting for? Let's check out our room, Espio!" Charmy demanded gleefully.

In a deadpan, Espio responded: "Race you," disappearing under a cloak of chameleon-ninja-invisibility after he uttered the challenge. Charmy flew frustrated out the door at the back of the room, which had already been opened by Silver as he exited. Vector left, only slightly amused by the antics of his subordinates.

Sonic and Tails, followed by Vanilla, Cream, and Cheese and Mary Sue, Possession Stu, and Froggy, also left through the door. Espio presumably did as well. Jet had hopped the bench to make a solid attempt at chewing out his underlings. Wave was unimpressed, happy about her new authority over Jet, but Storm was clearly having his self-esteem eroded by Jet's rage.

Bark approached Jet and tapped him on the shoulder. When he spun to face him, Bark said: "Come on, Jet. We're roommates—want to check out our room?" He was trying to get him off their case. He couldn't stand seeing a big person (Storm, like himself) being picked on by a small person.

Jet responded with a derogatory grunt and stomped down the aisle. Wave rolled her eyes. "He's a nice guy once you get to know him. He woke up on the wrong side of the nest this morning." Bark gave a half-smile in response to what was either a joke or a statement on the differentness of bird people sleeping habits. "Are we done here?" Wave asked Eggman, who was essentially their boss.

He was in the middle of chat-shouting with Metal Sonic, Motobug, and E-123 Omega. He waved Wave away dismissively, an opportunity she gladly took. She, Storm, and Bark were the next to leave. With them was a group consisting of Mighty and Ray, Bean and Fang, and Amy and Honey.

Rouge approached Knuckles as he left, visibly confused by everything. She clapped him on the back, causing him to start. "Don't worry, echidna boy. I'm having a card game tonight with Omega and some friends. Interested?"

Knuckles eyed her for a moment with suspicion. Remembering her treacherous charisma, he simultaneously remembered the Master Emerald. How could he forget that? Distracted, he answered, "Yeah, sure, I'll be there."

Rouge was satisfied by his gruff reply. Near her, the loud Dr. Eggman was going over his diabolical remodeling plan. "Metal Sonic, you are my last decent henchman. I am going to need you to make all the changes that I'm going to blueprint this evening." He turned to Motobug and referred to him as "Peon!" Continuing after being sure to have broken the robot's spirit, "With an upgrade or two, you should be useful enough to assist Metal Sonic."

When he turned to Omega, the automaton cut him off. "You may be my boss and my creator, Doctor Eggman, but you are not my master." As he left, he passed by the other remaining pair; "Coming, Rouge?"

"Right behind you, big guy," she told him. Knuckles followed her, deciding he should probably check his room out before KEVIN got back.

"All right, Metal Sonic, you have your mission. I will tell you when I am ready to begin remodeling—you are dismissed." As he and Metal left, Eggman began puzzling over "How am I supposed to live here if GUN isn't letting me use Eggman decals?"

The last to leave, the very sad Mr. Motobug slowly wheeled out of the room.

 **We're going places with this story. Also, I have a table of their test scores, but the site and I had a disagreement about formatting.  
**


End file.
